"'Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it' (Matthew 10:39).
"Our culture is constantly telling us to find our life; that we’re the center of our world, and as such, we need to take care of “me” first. We need to find what fulfills us and not let anyone or anything (especially a husband or children) get in the way.
"But when I’m the center of my world, my world becomes very small—because I’m the only person in it. When I try to find fulfillment in anything besides loving Christ and serving Him, I will only end up more frustrated and completely unfulfilled."
...
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get "there." You know. That mysterious, euphoric place where the stars and planets and wills and desires and possibilities align. That place where I'll feel fulfilled, not longing for anything more, not feeling the lack of anything less.
And actually. I probably shouldn't say "sometimes." This is one of those questions I've been guilty of asking my whole life. Well. Maybe not my whole life. I don't know what I was thinking when I was a wee lass playing with Barbie (I think I was pretty content to do that. I only gave them up because my bf at the time gave up hers).
But I digress.
Oh searching heart of mine...why so prone to wander? And wonder?
I can search this world over for things and jobs and people to fill my heart and mind. But in the end, when the things break, the job get tough, and the people leave, I will only be left more alone, more longing.
Is the answer so allusive?
Not really.
I have two issues at hand here. One that all my wondering makes me extremely self-reflective and am therefore rather focused on me. I begin to lose sight of the others around me as more than players in my game of life. Like the writer of that blog says, a world with only me in it is pretty small.
And secondly... My questions. My longing for more. My wonder if I'll ever feel fulfilled...
Look to Me, He says. Eyes off me, eyes of this world. Look at Me. The physical and emotional cannot fulfill the innermost part of me. That part in the very depth of my core that only longs to be reconnected with the One who created me.
Will I ever find true, pure fulfillment? Surely. But not on this side of eternity.
So. What? What do I do in the meantime?
Live. Breathe. Serve. Worship. Accept. Take my eyes off of me and finding my life and my way and my happiness and my fulfillment. Realize that I'm not the only one who feels likewise.
Now. If I can only get it through my thick skull.
