Aloha!

Hau`oli Lâ Ho`omaika`i!
(Happy Thanksgiving...from Hawaii!!)

...Mourn with those who mourn...

I've watched for the past few days, the news that came to my inbox. I was first saddened by the news that a young man was hurt. Then shocked as I scrolled down and saw that he passed.

And I cannot help but cry.

It almost seems silly for me to be here writing this. I mean, I barely spoke to either one of the young couple. But I did go--randomly--to their beautiful wedding shower. And I saw the bliss, the joy, the hope.

I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to experience this loss, but I also cannot help but cry and grieve at the thought of a young wife suddenly left without her husband. Even I have questions; I cannot imagine hers.

Sometimes there are not answers, and we are left with a reminder that this life is temporary. At least I am. This isn't it. What really matters here?

And we're also left with a reminder of the greatness of the bond created by being one of many who are dedicated to loving God. The church. His people. We are indeed one big family. Rejoicing and mourning together. Even when we're not all best friends. Even when hundreds or thousands of miles separate us. Even from here in Rockford, Illinois.

So, I will keep you close in heart and pray for the love and comfort and hope of our savior to flood your world.

"Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting

Welcome Holy Child...

Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence

Welcome to our world..."

Ending times.

Well, my tour is just about ended. I'll have a couple months (or less) off, then it will be back on the road again.

Yay. I do love traveling. Especially when I'm getting paid for it.

So, it's ideal, right?

And yet I want more...

Bursting inboxes, clean clothes...and Rocky.

I deemed tonight laundry-and-go-through-the-176-unread-messages-in-my-inbox night.

Laundry? Done.

Inbox? Not so much. I think I've only made it down to 134 unread messages, after hours of sifting through email after email of words of the day and Spanish words of the day. If you've emailed me in the past month or so, I might have even stumbled across that as well. Sure, the inbox is full of distractions knocking me off my course...like little reminders to buy more vitamins, look for plane tickets to Hawaii....look at the newest comment someone left me on Facebook. Ahhh, yes.

But now as the clock is nearing midnight, my eyes and body are telling me it's time to put this “Monday” to rest so “Tuesday” can come. Despite my drooping eyes, though, I fell drawn to this spot...this poor neglected little site that once held oodles and oodles of my thoughts and theories. So rather than write it off, I'll...write it...down. *Ehem*

So. Just what am I doing? What am I and my Monday Thursday doing?

In honor of time and sleep, I'll give the fast-food-chain version instead of going for the five-course-meal story.

Basically, I finally took up a friend's offer to take a job traveling the U.S. “Mobil marketing” they call it. I can try and explain what it is that I do... here it goes...

I am one of six crew members of a team on the Walgreen's Wellness Tour. We travel 100 percent of the time (save our two months off from the middle of November to the middle of January—which is when I'm going to go visit my sister...in Hawaii!). We go around (with our big bus decked out inside like a doctor's office), typically to low-income areas, giving free health screenings to all who care for one. We check glucose, cholesterol, blood pressure, body mass index, and bone density. And, yes. It's absolutely free. Sometimes I'm outside dancing to the tunes and signing people up. Sometimes I'm doing the bp, bmi, and bd screenings. Depends on the day. I actually don't mind the work. It really is a somewhat rewarding job because a) I'm not selling anything and b) many people are extremely appreciative of the service.

And so, for five days a week we occupy ourselves with such work. Then, on the glorious days of Tuesday and Wednesday, we usually have the freedom to roam about as we please. This is my third week (I think), and in my “weekends” I have gone to...

• The Philadelphia Art Museum
• The Arlington National Cometary
• The Holocaust Museum
• The Iwo Jima Memorial
• The National Archives
• The National Museum of Air and Space
• The National Gallery
• The National Portrait Gallery
• The FDR Memorial

As well as....

• A Metrix concert
• Salsa dancing
• The New Jersey bridge...thanks to a little navigational error.
  
• Um...the mall...

So. I think it's a pretty sweet deal. It's quite amazing how this job "fell into place.” Really. This job is not even close to the other jobs I was applying for. I had applied for a few positions in non-profit organizations in D.C., and I was looking elsewhere for similar employment.

But then. One week. That travel bug bit me again....I questioned whether or not I was really ready and would be happy just settling in somewhere. So I began I to look at jobs on cruise ships. And then I talked with an older girl at church who encouraged me to travel as much as I could now.

And then a few days later my resume was being sent off for this job, and I was interviewing on the phone.

God has an interesting way of doing things and turning our hearts. How do I know this is of Him? Because it bears a striking resemblance to how He has worked in my life in the past. Like a bolt of lightening in the utter darkness that cracks the silence and ignites a great fire. Just like that. No forewarning. Just comes in and smiles as I marvel at His faithfulness and attention to the details of my life and the desire of my heart. Once again,

And so. That is the kb update. I'll try not to make myself out to be a liar again and really update this more. Sorry if this seems like a sudden end, but it's time for me to succumb to the sleep that longs to take me:)

P.S. In case you're wondering where I've been, I started in Philly and now am in Richmond, Virginia (spending my off days in D.C.--a new love of mine). Next week we head to the Virginia Beach area for a week, then we'll head to New Orleans for three weeks, and finish the '07 tour in Birmingham, Alabama.

*Gasp!*

Yeah, yeah. I know. You know. Silence. It's been a bit quiet around here lately, but I can't say it's an isolated incident of "the quiets." Life sometimes is just quiet.

But, after pleading with God to just give me something...one word... what word came to my head?

Wait.

*Sigh*

It's not that God is silent with me. It's just that He's not saying what I would like Him to say. Instead of "So here's the plan..." I get "Wait." Okay. I just feel like I've been spending my life waiting.

But wait I will. And I'll enjoy this time of waiting, yes I will, as God gets His elbows greasy with me.

Yeah. I could use a little work.

Aw, you know... I forgot how much I liked writing! I'll do it more often. I'll try. I'll really try. I just didn't want to be always sounding discouraged because, well, God is good, whether I feel like it all the time or not.

So here's to college degrees, hours of reading, question marks, and.... waiting.

:)

07.07.07

The Call was incredible. I just kind of want to follow the "Call-mobile" around or something.


I am left with a sore left hip.
I am left with a sunburn that rivals the one I got in Spain.
I am left putting on aloe vera and coconut oil every few hours.

I am left with renewed passion for my nation.
I am left with refreshed vision of my call.
I am left wanting more of God and more of this life.

I am left with many thoughts.
I am left knowing that this life is not about me.
I am left ready to change the world, yet again...perhaps...

Not dreamin'...

Seeing my name at the top of this list makes me realize that walking across that stage is not a far-off dream.

I'm almost done...

I'm just tired of searching for/reading facts.

I'm a researcher. I wish I wasn't, but it's kind of a family trait that none of us can seem to shake.

We like to get all the facts. Make an "informed" "decision" (if we ever get around to making one).

I've been researching vitamins and cameras for the past two hours.

Yes. Yes, there is such a thing as over-analyzing.

But thankfully I'm just "well-informed."

*Edit*

Oh, and I forgot the daily search for a plane ticket. Anyone want to go to hot and humid Illinois in July?

There once was a cat named Babs...

Few people understand the value and place of a pet in a family. We didn't have lots of animals when I was young. But we did have a dog. And my sister had a cat. And then, when I was eight, I finally convinced my parents to let me take home a the little white runt of the litter from a family friend's farm.

And so Babs "became a Berg" that summer of '92. And she became my baby, my princess, my special little cumquat.

I could wax long about her quirks, but I realize that no one, save those in my immediate family, would care or understand.

And, as few of people understand the value and place of a pet in a family, fewer yet fully understand the loss of one.

And so forgive me as I type this post for myself. And for my parents who gave greatly of themselves to care for my cat the past few months. She was a special one for sure...who had a place for me in her heart as much as I have one for her in mine.

And so. I don't have a good way to end this. I'm just thankful that she's no longer struggling. And I'm thankful that God used my little runt as His tool for healing. And I pray, just in God's style, that He would continue to bring fullness of life even through death.

Bright hope for tomorrow

This summer you can find me in Cleveland, Tennessee.

Yesterday, after months of searching, running, thinking and waiting, I started my internship.

It’s not a glamorous job. It’s not in Atlanta or Charleston or San Diego or Chicago or New York. And it doesn’t pay.

And regardless of these factors, I still found myself pumped and elated Sunday night and Monday morning to start working with New Hope Pregnancy Care Center as their public relations intern.

Because, you see, I had a slight revelation.

A teacher of mine had told me about this internship way back in March or so. It tugged at me, but I sadly dismissed it because, well, I wanted to go to Atlanta (aka “The Land of Opportunity”).

Weeks upon weeks went by. Resumes went out. Silence returned. Prayers were abundant—just as abundant as the admonition from those who prayed to not worry but fully trust the Lord and His timing.

Out of options, I finally contacted the director of New Hope and met with her before I left for Atlanta and Illinois in May. It was tentatively set for me to start when I got back, but that didn’t stop me from still looking for another internship.

I knew that if I was going to relocate to Atlanta, God would have to open some doors and work some things out. And I knew that if I was to stay in Cleveland, the Lord would need to work some things out in my heart and give me the desire to do so.

Well, long story short, I am here in Cleveland and so expectant and confident in the Lord and His work. I shouldn’t have run from His tug in the first place—it would have saved me a lot of anxiety and a lot of “I don’t know” answers to inquirers questions.

I don’t want to work in corporate America (or Europe or China…). God has blessed me with an amazing opportunity to do what He’s given me a heart to do. And I’m excited to see what is ahead (Yeah…after that official graduation thing).

I cannot be someone I am not. I cannot deny the passions and compassions He has given me. I cannot be content to be silent when He has given me a voice for those without one. I must do something I believe in. I must live a life of passion.

In all this, I am learning to hear the Lord and know what His leading looks like. It’s quite a journey.

And so, I must get back to work doing a little research on what someone who is facing an unplanned pregnancy thinks. Then I can make a post-card and flyer for a mass mailing to those on the south-side of town.

All for His glory.

“Surely His salvation is near to those who fear Him, That glory may dwell in our land.
Mercy and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed.
Truth shall spring out of the earth, And righteousness shall look down from heaven.
Yes, the Lord will give what is good; And our land will yield its increase.
Righteousness will go before Him, And shall make His footsteps our pathway.”

Psalm 85:9-13

Waiting.

...seemingly my life's profession.

The ways of the wanderer.

Yeah. I'm really not doing good with keeping up with this anymore. I suppose I got out of the habit.

Well, I've finally found my way back up to Illinois--the first time since I left in January. How great it is to see my family and nieces! God is working here, and I'm excited to see His continuing work.

I spent last week in Atlanta. My right eye has now been lasered. It hasn't healed as quickly as the other, but the doctor still says it looks good. My vision still isn't incredibly stable...especially at night. I think some prayer is still in order even though the surgeries are done...

My week in Atlanta was uneventful, save the hours I spent at IHOP--the International House of Prayer, not the pancake house. I happened to be around for a Bound 4 Life weekend, which was so amazing to be a part of--praying for abortion to end. I have a burden for the unborn--and so I marvel at the coincidences of God. And since I didn't have much to do during the rest of the week, it provided time for a much-needed spiritual respite and renewal. God is an amazing mystery.

Speaking of mysteries, my summer is still a bit of one. I still don't have an internship solidified. There is one in the works at the local pregnancy care center in Cleveland, which would indeed be a unique and special opportunity, seeing as it was a hope of mine to work at one one day. And then, as of yesterday, I have an interview in Atlanta the day after I fly back. So, we'll see what happens.

All I know is that I've been told not to worry; God has it all under control and is working in His timing. He's definitely calling me to trust Him...and so I hide myself in Him. What else can I do? What are my plans anyway? I'd rather go with His; His ways are so much higher and better. I give up. Daily. He's an amazing sovereign Father who loves us faithfully and relentlessly.

So this is my life at the current moment. Yeah. Thrilling. Aren't you glad I posted?

Oh, what a beautiful morning!

• It’s been a while, eh?
  
  Well, the good news is that my semester is DONE!! Praise the Lord Almighty. I wasn’t sure how I was going to accomplish the mass amount of work that needed to get done in the past couple weeks, but, only by the grace of God, it’s all done…all 60+ pages of it.
  
  And so, I would like to share a few blessings of this morning:
  
• An A+ on my research project that I invested a mass amount of time into (but actually thoroughly enjoyed). Let me know if you would like to know more about the correlations between romance movies and romantic relationship beliefs.
• Organic steak, sweet potatoes and dark chocolate with chilies from my boss. I knew she liked like me, but I didn’t know she did this much! And yes, I did say steak. I’ve been wanting some all semester for some reason.
• The card from all the girls I work with. Yeah. Words of affirmation. That's what I'm talking about.
• My favorite Mary Kay lip gloss from the mom of one of my babies at work.
• An espresso macchiato solo with extra foam from Starbucks. Amazing. And yes, I did say espresso.
• A little girl on the other end of the phone telling me something about her messy hands, purple and her napping sissy.
• Laundry. I love doing laundry. And hanging it up outside. I was a little disappointed that I finished all mine…so I started doing my roommate’s.
• The joy of knowing that only an internship stand between me and a diploma.
• Oh...just the small things...
  

And, since I haven’t been sharing much this semester, here’s what’s new:

• My left eye no longer needs a contact (the right eye is soon to follow suit). Yep. This blind girl squeaked in just in time to have insurance cover $1000 for vision correction surgery before I cease to be a full-time student. The right eye is getting done May 11…it’s a little jealous of the left eye and can hardly wait.

Okay, well, I guess that’s pretty much the most notable new thing. Yeah. Well. I did a lot of school work, okay?

More writings soon to follow. It’s good to be back.

Ah, I see....

Yesterday I went under the laser.

And now, this blind-as-bat girl can see...sort of clearly...in her left eye.

Yep. That's my update. Praise the Lord it all went well.

Now if I can just conquer all this school work...

Whoa..

Time sure does fly. I've been a busy bee as of late, and honestly, at this moment, I'm just looking for a little respite from working on my midterm website.

All I have to say right now is...

Sometimes, I really hate being a perfectionist. Stuff takes forevvveerrr.

Sorry. That's all I've got right now. Or have got time for.

Here. Listening.

Sometimes the painter must put down the brush and admire.

The musician needs to refrain from composing and hear.

The speaker must silence and listen.


There is a season when the writer’s words are few so she will read.

When the seeker cannot seek so she will be found.

When opportunities for the “doer” decrease so she may be a “be-er.”

When what was thought to be “silence” was really a call for her to be silent.

So He can speak.

And she can listen.

It was almost mine...

Yeah. I kinda view bouquet tosses as a sport.

I didn't intentially elbow my friend in the face.

She was gracious and forgiving, nonetheless.

And she gave me the bouquet to boot.

#100

I've never taught Sunday school before.

Sure I've helped out with the wee ones.

And I even co-led a cell group for college+ students back in Illinois.

But now I find myself searching for something to bring to a room full of 9-11-year-olds.

And so I am presented with a new challenge (did I mention it's in a Hispanic church that I went to for the first time last week?).

I must find a medium between deeper Biblical truths I'm discovering and..."goo, goo, ga..blah!"

But, I suppose even grade-schoolers can understand and comprehend our call to be the Body of Christ, and their values in it.

I'm thinking of starting with a race between one child who has to hop on one leg and one who can...eh, walk briskly...on both.

He, he. They'll get so mad at the injustice of it.

Perfect.

And on the seventh day...

Yeah.

The “contemplations” have been rather lax as of late.

I’m not sure whether this is due to lack thereof…or perhaps just contemplations of the sort that are better kept hidden away in my mind instead of sprawled on screen.

Or maybe, I’m just too tired and busy to formulate anything worthwhile.

Hmm…this should not be.

In January I read through Genesis and Exodus. A lot went down in these two books. The very foundations of our faith laid by men like Noah, Isaac, Joseph, Jacob, Aaron, Joshua…and ol’ what’s-his-name?...Moses.

I’ll admit that not all of it was exhilarating. Is all of anything exhilarating?

But it was interesting, parts of it reveling of us, parts reveling of God….and parts reveling God’s keys to living a life that pleases Him.

The Lord really hammers away at this whole “Sabbath” suggestion.

Or at least that’s what we like to think it is. A nice suggestion to set aside the stresses and pressures of life for one day. One day to take a rest from the world and abide in Him.

He commands it rather intently. Quite a few times. Even condemning violators to death.

Many studies confirm the benefits of taking a “rest day.” Exercise is fabulous, but work-out every day of every week and the body will be fatigued and worse off.

That’s just like God. His usually has statues for a reason. Benefits unknown.

No, I am not under the law, and thanks to His Son, I don’t have to be put to death for violating this law.

But I long to adhere to the Spirit of this law.

Great blessing is found in obedience.

And so while I am left (once again) with dilemmas as to how to implement REST in my life, I am encouraged that God honors those who honestly seek Him and His ways. He will grant grace with time, and He will be lavish with renewal and strengthening.

So, I will try my best to keep to His standards for working and rest. Work hard for six days (that’s key in taking a Sabbath). Rest on the seventh.

Mmm. I feel better already.

Days

There are days when I become frazzled at the thought of all that must be done and all that must fall into place.

And then peace one can't quite understand floods in as He says, "Ah, forgetaboutit."

He's so gracious.

And I'm so grateful.

Photos

Here.

Enjoy if you dare.

Changin'.

Oh, so silly of me to believe that I could keep that "perfect" schedule I had all planned out.

Yeah. Thanks.

But it's my last semester...so grin and bear it I will.

Not that all the changes that occurred in my schedule were bad.

Like, say, taking a particular class with a certain someone.

He, he.