"Be ye perfect..."

After I watched him sign his name, and I started the brief walk to the door, feeling a bit defeated and a bit of a failure.

“I know this is painful for you,” he said. “It’s not easy, but you’ve really thought it through. I wish more students would think things through like you.”

“Thanks,” I replied with a sigh.

His few words were encouraging. They were like an answer to prayer to reassure my faltering mind and heart that God can answer those petitions for wisdom and direction, even if we’re not quite sure how He can. I thanked the Lord for Dr. K as I left.

I knew what needed to be done. But, oh, why is it so hard?

The next year of my life is now—once again—looking a little different than I imagined it to be.

With the counsel of my parents and a good hour-long talk with my advisor, I decided to withdraw from a class, take a few more next semester, do my internship in the summer and graduate in the summer.

Sure. It may not seem like a huge deal. But it is some kind of deal. It is a bit freeing, at least, knowing that, while I’ll still be busy with schoolwork, I won’t be spending all my time on one class while the rest suffer.

I just hate quitting.

I said that I’d rather quit than fail. But somehow quitting also seems like failing.

But sometimes, releasing something is necessary. And somehow, even if the thing needing to be released is holding us back, it’s still not easy. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage and faith to “quit.” Not to mention a bit of humility to admit that we don’t know it all…and can’t do it all.

I am, however, excited at the opportunities this opens up for me. Now I’ll be able to take more classes next semester (ones that will actually help me), and I’ll be able to focus more on my internship without having to juggle schoolwork along with it.

So, it’s okay.

Really.

I’m just a bit of a perfectionist, that’s all.

That’s all.

One more reason to praise Him...

...I'm alive.

Yesterday was an interesting day. After a night of finishing those pesky papers, I headed off to Nashville. No, I hadn't slept at all that night, and, knowing my propensity for falling asleep easily, I prayed that I would stay awake.

It was early and still dark out, but all was alright until an hour and a half into my drive when I tried staying awake by singing some children's song. I don't remember the song, but I remember jumbling the words. I knew I was extremely tired and prayed that God would protect me.

Well...the next things that happened I don't remember very well. It was kind of like a dream that unfortunately wasn't. It happened quickly--I opened my eyes, realizing that I had fallen asleep, and saw that I had gone off the road in some grassy area where the road splits for an exit. I tried stopping by slamming down on a peddle, but I think that perhaps I hit the gas because I certainly didn't stop. My mind was coming a little more coherent when I saw that I was headed for a small pole, and I tried to avoid it. I hit the pole on my passenger side, sending my car spinning into the road. I stopped in the right lane positioned just so and just in time for a van to hit my front driver's side bumper. Wow.

So, the older couple driving the van were fine and uninjured. Their car also was unmaimed (just needed to brush a bit of my paint off). Thank the Lord! We exchanged info and drove away. All I could do was thank the Lord for protecting me and them. I had thought the car was going to t-bone me, but I spun just right. One more reason to praise Him. One HUGE reason to praise Him.

And so I continued my journey to the airport without incident...that is until I neared Nashville and hit traffic that delayed me 45 minutes or so...getting me to the airport parking lot at 8:18 a.m. for my 8:25 flight. That's right folks. I missed my plane.

But it all turned out alright. It was an interesting start to the day, but I'm just grateful to be alive and here with my family.









My brother called me "Dale Earnhart, Jr." I told him I wasn't speeding. He asked how I knew. Mom said that any speed is too fast when you're sleeping .

My inspiration...

As I sit here in the library, I remind myself that once I get these blasted...uh, I mean...great- opportunities-for-enhancing-my-skills...papers finished, I can see this little face in person.

Ew, that is if the millipede crawling up the wall doesn't get me first.

Procrastination...

Only 14 hours...and 6-9 pages of writing...stand between me and fall break.

One paper analyzing a film. Another reviewing one.

I reiterate my displeasure with English classes.

Fine. I'll get to work.

COM>ENG= :)

Recent developements have me wishing I had taken News Writing instead of Non-Fiction Writing or Analytical Writing. My communication classes are much more enjoyable than these English ones.

So maybe I'm not as analytical as I thought....academically speaking.
And perhaps my skill for writing a memoir isn't as well-developed as I'd thought.

But! I'm still good at grammar...and yes, I enjoy it.
AND! I've discovered a new joy in gathering information, interviewing people and writing articles.

So, the bad news is that I don't really like what I got myself into, but the good news is that I like what I am getting myself into. Hopefully I'll remember this during those times when I doubt what I'm doing or worry that I'll be stuck in a job I don't like.

Which brings me to a related topic: "After graduation."

Since I’m graduating in May, people often ask what I plan to do. I used to give them my self-constructed plan.

Then one day I realized that enacting Kelly-made plans doesn’t usually pan out. So, my response changed to these questions.

So, just in case you were wondering…
I’m seeking the Lord for what His plans are for me. I did have my own plans, but I realized that I didn’t even pray about it. And since I’ve found that doesn’t really work, I’m seeking what the Lord wants.

I just want His will. But, I pray that I would want what He wants.

And the just shall live by...

I’m reminded once again of the wise words of C.S. Lewis who explained that life is like an undulating wave, and we humans would be greatly deceived and discouraged if we failed to recognize this.

Often after times of great revelation or growth comes a lull. The emotional high isn’t so high anymore. The Lord’s voice doesn’t seem so loud. Those sermons don’t seem so prevalent. And the Bible seems not to be quite as penetrating as it had before. I wonder where that passion went, and I wonder how I can get it back. It feels a bit murky. The walk is more like a drudge.

Perhaps it’s somewhat stemmed from the comfort I took in my new place of growth...a comfort in my “twitterpation” with growth in the Lord. Ah…I warned myself to beware that comfortable place…

Someone told me today that perhaps we have times like these so we can learn to walk in faith…for how can we have faith in what God says if He is constantly telling us? Faith is spawned from these days of taking the truth that the Lord has spoken and walking confidently that He is who He says He is…and we are who He says we are. Faith is grown in days when the Lord’s presence isn’t felt so close. It is faith that sustains. Faith that pleases God. Faith that enables us to get through these waiting times of hope.

The writer of Hebrews says of Abraham, “And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country” (11:8). Abraham couldn’t see the promise. He could only see the foreign land. All he had was the word that the Lord spoke. With faith he stood on that word, believing that He who promised was also able to fulfill.

What is faith, and how can I get it, I ask myself. We know that faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen. How could I learn to have faith if I could always see? How could I learn to stand on my own will to grasp and run with His word if He never gave me the opportunity to do so?

My friend said it was a time to push harder. Am I giving birth here?? Maybe...

And so I walk. Through the murky fog on a path I can barely see. He doesn’t seem to be as talkative lately, but that’s okay. He’s already said quite a bit. I’ll stand on those words, in faith…trusting the One who I cannot see.

That's no sweet smelling aroma...

You know there’s an issue when you walk out of a nursery, and suddenly you’ve figured out where the smell was coming from. No, not the kids! Just the big, stinky diaper/factory called Bowater . I don’t know what they do there, but it’s not pretty. Thanks, Bowater, for that pungent aroma that regularly saturates our city.

...

“For the dream comes through much effort.”
~Ecclesiastes 5:3

And he’s not joshin’. It may require a little work (well, more than a little), but I’m going to do it! I’m not giving up. It's time for me to use my stubbornness again. Give me some time. I'll get it.

Just words.

Word of the Day for Tuesday, October 3, 2006

indomitable \in-DOM-ih-tuh-buhl\, adjective:
Incapable of being subdued or overcome; unconquerable.

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I love words. I need to put them together more often to form sentences and paragraphs...and posts! I know.

But that is all for now. There's a deadline waiting for me, and I need to meet it.

Life is going.
God's still good.
I'm still busy.
I'd write more if I could.