This is my mind. This is my mind in serious wonder. Any questions?

Yesterday I was reading books with Andi, and inbetween Round 1 and Round 2 of reading her her new library books, she asked me a question.

"Are you going to live here?"

Auh. Oh man, my heart ached just a bit more, as in the past few days I have begun to wonder how I could leave these little girls who have their auntie's heart.

"No... Do you want me to live here?" I asked her.

"Yeah.  I live here, and you should live here."

I almost cried (surprise).

So, the battle within me continues to war as I am reminded of yet another consideration.  I long to be settled.  Live in one place.  Have friends who I can develop relationships with and hang out with.  Be part of a church. ...  But really.  Here?  In Rockford?  I like the south!  I like D.C.!  But.  Then I consider that I don't really have a really good reason to stay in one place, eh?  I'm single!  I should go and travel and all that jazz while I can now!....right?

I'm left with the questions of what do you do when life doesn't turn out at all like you expect it to?  I just turned 24, and I can honestly say that I did not expect to be where I am.  Sooo... what to do?  I cannot make paths that are not there.

I've come to learn that I indeed cannot force life to be what I want it to be.  I do not have control over circumstances or people.  (I think this life lesson is the reason that my personality type changed a bit...I used to have a #2 choleric score...which, when I recently took the little personality test again, dropped two slots to last.  Oh the wisdom of the years).

But.  How do I deal with words spoken over me and my dreams and my passions...and my desire to do something in this world that really matters?  Yeah.  Purpose.

Hmmm... To go?  To stay?  To get another job?  I just don't want to live with regrets, but I also have to accept that there are no guarantees.

But.

There is peace.

And peace doesn't just come, it must be pursued (Psalm 34:14).  I must pursue it.

So.  Here's to peace. And to rolling with life. And to the hope that someday we may understand the mysteries of our lives.