Every time I come back to Rockford there is something new. This time it was the Red Robin in front of Gordman’s and Guitar Center across from Circuit City that I passed on my way through town. Along with the changing development of the city, there is also the change that I see more personally. Whether it be my sisters’ new haircuts or the absence of friends who have moved away or the presence of a new little niece to love or the extra inches of height of my oldest niece, I am reminded that life is continually changing…with or without me.
Not everything changes, though, and I take comfort in those simple things that remain the same…not so unfamiliar is the feel of my niece clutching my pointer finger as we walk to the. A night of mini-golfing and walking by the river with friends makes it seem as if I haven’t been gone too long. It’s nice to know that some things remain the same…even in the midst of this changing world.
I wish, however, that I would not return to some things that remain unchanged. Perhaps one day my heart won’t break for the people I love…or perhaps there will be unity in my family…. perhaps even there won’t even be that constant nagging knowledge every time I come back that things are not as they should be… For this change I can only pray and hope.
But, in all this changing/not-changing, this time I am most greatly aware of the change in me. I notice not only the Chicago accents on the radio, but the way I refer to Cleveland as, “When I’m at home…” I notice how I give stronger hugs to my friends here…thanks to my friends down there. I notice the not-so-obvious changes in me, and indeed marvel at how much I’ve grown in the past few months. I notice that while this may be where my family is, it is becoming less “home”…and I wonder if it really ever will be again.
musings from an imperfect human.
2 comments:
I felt the same way about home, but for some reason things have changed now that Clint is where my home is. I've heard many say that "the heart is where the home is." I'm glad things have changed and it's hard to see the things that need to be changed, remaining unchanged. When I see you lately it makes me feel sad seeing that you're not coming back next semester and I'm graduating in December, it's crazy. Anyway, you're amazing Kelly Berg! Love ya, Alison
When we first experience lifelong change, it is pretty overwhelming, almost surreal. In time the change becomes permanent and we settle into something new. Then that is changed and we are thrown headlong into another new season. We look around and gradually accept more lasting changes. If we learn that nothing in this world is our final destination, nowhere on this planet is our lasting home, than the changes are not damaging. But some people come to a place of not only resisting change, but refusing and then denying change (and deny they must because you cannot totally resist it.) These people become broken, bitter, unhappy, and disfunctional.
Praise God, this is not our portion! Christians look to a final resting place, an eternal home. With eyes looking forward, the scenery which changes as I pass becomes part of the journey, and although there are some places along the way that I would be tempted to settle in, the change that comes to the scene causes me to look forward once again.
Learning to accept change and experiencing the good things of each new season brings maturity and growth. So -- here's to growing older and wiser! Be blessed in all your new places!
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