"Be ye perfect..."

After I watched him sign his name, and I started the brief walk to the door, feeling a bit defeated and a bit of a failure.

“I know this is painful for you,” he said. “It’s not easy, but you’ve really thought it through. I wish more students would think things through like you.”

“Thanks,” I replied with a sigh.

His few words were encouraging. They were like an answer to prayer to reassure my faltering mind and heart that God can answer those petitions for wisdom and direction, even if we’re not quite sure how He can. I thanked the Lord for Dr. K as I left.

I knew what needed to be done. But, oh, why is it so hard?

The next year of my life is now—once again—looking a little different than I imagined it to be.

With the counsel of my parents and a good hour-long talk with my advisor, I decided to withdraw from a class, take a few more next semester, do my internship in the summer and graduate in the summer.

Sure. It may not seem like a huge deal. But it is some kind of deal. It is a bit freeing, at least, knowing that, while I’ll still be busy with schoolwork, I won’t be spending all my time on one class while the rest suffer.

I just hate quitting.

I said that I’d rather quit than fail. But somehow quitting also seems like failing.

But sometimes, releasing something is necessary. And somehow, even if the thing needing to be released is holding us back, it’s still not easy. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage and faith to “quit.” Not to mention a bit of humility to admit that we don’t know it all…and can’t do it all.

I am, however, excited at the opportunities this opens up for me. Now I’ll be able to take more classes next semester (ones that will actually help me), and I’ll be able to focus more on my internship without having to juggle schoolwork along with it.

So, it’s okay.

Really.

I’m just a bit of a perfectionist, that’s all.

That’s all.