Silence.

The silence doesn’t stop at my blog.

More prevalent is the silence in my heart.

And the silence here is the result of the silence there.

It’s a silence that can’t be overcome by a trip to room 204, a room where it always sounds nice. But for some reason tonight the notes didn't harmonize and the pitch seemed flat. I can only take it as a hint to be quiet.

The allusive “they” say that it’s in these times that we are to fight harder, press closer and listen longer.

In this I feel I’ve failed both the allusive “they” and the One I’m to be fighting to press closer to hear.

How could He love an unfaithful heart like mine?

And I wonder how God can be so merciful. Mercy baffles me. I wish mercy was more a part of my character than it is. Having a strong sense of justice without the balance of mercy is a bit dangerous. Aaannnd yet I am compassionate? How can I have compassion without mercy?

Sometimes my deficiency in mercy leads me to say things harshly and have attitudes that are “justified.” There’s nothing wrong with black and white…but I think I need help understanding the giving of white when one deserves black.

And perhaps this is what holds me up sometimes in my relationship with the Lord. I don’t feel as if I deserve such attention from the Creator of the universe. I don’t deserve the love and faithfulness of a perfect Lord when I am so imperfect and unfaithful and apathetic at times.

Yet where would I be without mercy?

He still calls us the apple of His eye and the joy set before Him in spite of our undulating emotions and devotion.

It is the slight revelation of His mercy that spurs my heart to have one constant cry to pierce the silence.

I need You, Jesus.