New year, new you?

Sure, I’ve changed this year.

But upon perusal of past journals, I’m starting to question just how far I’ve really come from five years ago.

My journals are the stories of my life. They catalog my journey, my struggles, my growths, my revelations, my fears, my hopes… They’re not consistent and some entries are few and far between. I used to struggle to fill one notebook in a year.

This year I filled two…plus some.

But reading about my life in 2002-2003, I was amazed at the content. At the verses I copied and the issues I struggled with. I was amazed at the first, discouraged with the latter. Many of the verses and thoughts about passages were very similar to what could be found in the two notebooks from this year. Unfortunately, the doubts, struggles, lessons, etc. were quite similar, too. Will I ever get it?...Whatever “it” is?

I’m left echoing Paul..Why do I do the things I know I shouldn’t, and I don’t do the things I should?

In a couple days we will bid 2006 adieu and welcome 2007.

2007 is bound to be a different year than years past just based on circumstance alone.

I’ll turn 23 in a month--an age, I assure you, that years ago I planned to reach in mighty different circumstances. But, hey, that’s okay.

I’ll be graduating college. And getting what some like to call a “real job.” I once again assure you that I feel ill-prepared and wonder who in the world would hire me.

But aside from the circumstance, what else will be different about 2007? Will I struggle with the same doubts and fears? Will I finally apply diligence to all areas of my life and not just a few? Will I finally understand that neither I nor other people in my life have attained perfect holiness, but we all are being sanctified?

Will I look to Him for direction? Will I finally realize that every dream and desire I have must be surrendered to Him? Will I look to Him to open doors and prepare me for whatever is to come? Will I trust that He will be provider as He has been, not only financially, but relationally, spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally?

I’ve never been one to set New Year’s resolutions. Too mainstream. Too popular.

Too much opportunity to fail.

My perfectionist nature and my longing not to be hypocritical are probably what have held me from setting goals. I’d rather not shoot than shoot and miss.

But alas, I’m reminded of something my co-leader of one of my small groups once said: To not try is to fail.

And I’m reminded of what the Good Book says: Without vision the people perish.

And so, as the new year approaches, I understand that my heart, my mind and my life will not magically change when the ball drops (or an hour after the ball drops, since I’m currently in Central Time). I must pursue. I must seek. I must be diligent. I must be expectant.

I must be purposeful.

I don’t know what 2007 will hold. And honestly, I don’t want to know. But I am resolved to seek Him every step of the way.