Days go by...

And are filled with…

• Time with the nieces. Of course.
• Day trips to Whole Foods and Trader Joes in the burbs.
• Visiting my little kitty in the hospital:(
• Bringing the kitty home :)
• Shopping!
• Cleaning! (I can’t seem to get away from it)
• Walking a mile and a half in the rain…voluntarily.
• Hitting up Chi-Town with two of my best gals here in Rock.
• Relating with "Daaown" about southern speak
• Wondering why the Macy’s in Chicago closes at 9:00 and the one in Rockford closes at midnight…
• Rejoicing that at least the bronze Marshal Fields Co. sign is still on the corner of the newly-deemed Macy's building
• Dancing in the streets and all that jazz:)
• …
• Hoping and praying for a miracle…or two…

Whatcha gonna do with all that?

Part of Grandpa and Grandma's moving process has been the divvying out of most of the possessions packed in their small house.

The rule was to take whatever they offered; what we did with it after that was our prerogative.

On Thanksgiving the family was going through Christmas decorations. I made a bid for the nutcracker. Last night I inquired whether I "won." I did. Apparently Mom was in charge of it and ended up with quite a bit.

In fact, she said, "I still have a lot of junk in my trunk."

*Insert my uproarious laughter here*

Attention!

New pictures here.

I think I need to go pro.

But first I should get my camera fixed:(

*Gasp*...not so random...

Well, the semester is finally over, and I'm looking forward to returning to Rockford on Sunday and seeing the fam.

Until then, I'll enjoy the Tennessee weather. Today reminds me of April. It's nice. After dropping off my little car to be checked out, I walked for about 40 minutes, eventually finding myself here...the library.

So, as this year comes to a close, I'm—of course—reflective of the past 365 days. As my roommates are well-aware of, I have this ability...this tendency...to remember random "anniversaries." Like, one year ago today I was driving to Illinois for Christmas break.

And so I started to think about what this "one year" has held...and how much I've changed.

God has definitely been at work in my today. He's pushed me and pulled me. Every circumstance and situation has worked to draw me out of myself and closer to Him.

I think about a year ago when I first became friends with my roommates. It was random. I barely knew Beca when we decided to start looking for off-campus housing. I knew Rachel and Laura even less. But we moved in together in a very small--but very full of character :)--house. It was divine. God used that time in many, many ways, but I know the most significant for me was that I learned to...well...play well with others. I'm a bit of a loner and had lived most of my life not in community. God used those girls to bring be out of seclusion. I learned to be open, transparent...me. The people who know us best are the ones we live with because they see us in every situation...good and bad. Four girls living in one small house with one bedroom couldn't hide from each other. And I'm glad.

This year, on the roller coaster that was 2006, I went through the fire, through the testing, through the questioning, through the doubt, through the high highs and very low lows… I can’t say that I’ll be sad to leave 2006 behind, but I also wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’ve been brought to new places in the Lord. I’ve learned so much. Called higher. Grown greatly.

It’s not my own doing. I never could have gotten to where I am today alone—not that I’ve reached the top of the mountain or am resting on some high plateau. The chastening and relentless love of my heavenly Father has brought me here. It’s taken quite a bit for me to be utterly thankful for His work, but I am.

Last night at church I read Psalm 107. It mentioned “wandering.” It struck a chord. I feel as if I’ve been wandering for years and years. Like I’ve been walking in a haze, questioning what my calling is, what the purpose of everything is…almost seeing how pieces fit together but wondering what pieces are missing.

But I feel a change is coming. Like I can see the Promise Land though I’m not yet in it…it’s so close. I think next year is going to be quite a year. I’m expectant of what the Lord will bring about. I’m excited to experience His goodness in new ways. I’m excited for the vision, for the calling, for the providence, for the fullness.

And so, I will wait on Him and continue to seek His heart. I trust Him. He’s shown Himself so very faithful.

Yet another random post...

It’s finals time. I’m rather sure that my diligence earlier in the semester is being rewarded now. Somehow the past two weeks have been pleasant and stress-free.

But, not that I’m not busy.

I’ve been occupied with breakfasts, It’s a Wonderful Life, Holiday Inn, Elf, caroling in the freezing cold, hide-n-seek in Wal-Mart, children, shopping, Christmas parties, etc.

‘Tis the season. I’m glad I get to enjoy it :)

Volume discounts

All of the Berg siblings have this on our Christmas lists.

I guess taste in music runs in the blood.

Almost...there...

I've just completed my last paper for the semester:

"Life's Like a Barrel of Monkeys."

Awwyeah. It's a good one.

Where's Goose when I need 'im?

(In case you don't know who Goose is, he's Maverick's wingman in "Top Gun")

The only problem with being the pointman (or "wingman") is that pointmen don't have pointmen.

I doesn't happen very often, but I could of used one today.

So this is what it's like...

Traveling the world over...

Apparently I need to do something else to fulfill my cross-cultural requirement to graduate.

Yeah. Evidently technicalities are more important than having a genuine cultural experience (as was the case this summer in Spain).

So, the options are open. But the timing is not. Spring break will be spent in one of these three places:

• Ireland
• Trinidad
• Bolivia

Or somewhere else???

Or I could just spend some time in the Spanish church.

Hmm...though expensive, this is kinda exciting, I must admit.

Over travel plans...okay...dreams/hopes: Europe post-graduation :)

I'm excited to see where the Lord leads:)

"Jingle Bells" is a Thanksgiving song...

Well, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend.

On the day itself, I went with the family I stayed with to the Chattanooga Rescue Mission to serve food. It was nothing special, really, but it was just so good to be able to serve. It had me thinking that perhaps I should start a tradition of my own…

On Friday my friend, her sister and I went shopping in the morning around Cleveland. Not exactly a commercial hotbed, but we got some good deals and had some good times, nonetheless. Later that day we had our Thanksgiving meal followed by impromptu dancing, a jam session and some “Moods” playing.

I really had such a restful and fun holiday! I love when holidays last longer than a day. I mean, that’s how they celebrate in other places! Bring on the week-long celebration feasts! But anyway, they say I was initiated into their family this weekend, but I think I initiated them to be mine. I mean, once someone is subjected to the “after-10-o’clock” side, there’s no going back;)

All weekend I was so thankful for the community we have as God-followers. My family is not restricted by blood. God provides community and family to all who have none or who are apart from theirs. Being a part of the Body is a huge blessing that God designed for His people. I’m thankful for the precious gift of community…for privilege and blessing it is to be a part of the family of God.

Just a sentimental girl...

For those who don’t know, I’m an emotional, sentimental girl.

Oh sure, rumors swirl around that I'm one tough cookie. But even tough cookies get soft if you soak them in milk long enough.

My excellent subconscious, selective memory works to further perpetuate such emotional sentimentality.

Thanksgiving is in two days. My housemates and most of my fellow classmates are leaving today to return home.

And I’m not afraid to admit that I’m emotional just thinking about not being home for the holiday.

It’s only the second holiday I’ve not been home. Six years ago, Thanksgiving Day found me in Edinburgh, Scotland, eating a rather unconventional turkey-day meal.

I love traditions and perhaps this is what I will miss most about not being home. I’ll miss watching Home Alone…an annual tradition that started a looong time ago when it was shown on television every Thanksgiving. We would joke about it and mock it at times, but we watched every year. The first year it wasn’t played, we protested and went straight to Hollywood Video to rent a copy. Hey, tradition is tradition.

And then there is the Berg ladies’ tradition of rising in the dark morning the day after Thanksgiving to hit all the sales. Oh, those are good times, let me tell you. Last year I got up before 4a.m. to stand in line at Circuit City for a laptop she wanted to get. We didn’t rise early enough to get the computer, but we did rise early enough to create quite a memory.

And since I’m talking Thanksgiving here, I can’t neglect to mention the yummy food that Mom makes. My roommates are probably so sick of hearing me lament over not getting to eat the Thanksgiving fare made specially for my dietary restrictions. Oh, man. I’m having Mom freeze me some food to have when I come home for Christmas break.

Oh, I’ll survive. I know! It could be worse! At least I have a friend and family here to spend the holiday with! Thanksgiving in Tennessee won’t be a tragedy. I’ve been extremely blessed the past year and a half to be with my family as often as I have. Perhaps this time will help me to be more empathetic. Surely there is good to come from it.

But I can’t help but miss the traditions I’m missing out on. I talked with my mom the other night for an hour and she said she wasn’t sure what she’d do without me to go shopping with. And she said that my Aunt Maria was sad to hear I wouldn’t be up since she hasn’t seen me since Easter.

*sigh*

My family’s far from perfect, but they’re still my family. And I personally believe family and holidays go hand-in-hand.

So, I’ll hold back the tears and enjoy a few days of rest and serving here.

Sure, I’ll be a bit emotional every once in a while.

But that’s just my lot as a sentimental girl.

"It's rather safe to say...

...that it's a rather blustery day." ~Winnie the Pooh

I don't usually quote W.t.P., but this song from my childhood is what rings clear in my mind on a day like today. Drizzle. Wind. Cold.

I avoided going out.

Finally I succumb to the need to go to the library.

And I was oh so pleasantly surprised that the library is warmer than any other place I have been today.

Oh, bless the Lord.

...

Some of the southerns down here ask me if I think it's been cold lately...you know, being from the North and all. I say...

YES!

I live in Tennessee now!

I've adapted!

I like warmth.

Mmm....toasty.

...

Random.

Still here

I do still write. It’s just that my writing these days takes the forms of press releases, yearbook stories, non-fiction essays and reading responses.

I do still contemplate. It’s just that my contemplations are more suitable for my journal than the world wide web.

…

My classes for next semester are all set up. Sixteen hours of communication courses are in queue for the spring….13 of those hours being on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Ooo…that should be fun.

…

So, lately I’ve been hearing from the fam stories of my niece Andi’s mentions of me. Nikki said that she asked, “Auntie Kelly come over today?” and Mom related a story of her taking my mom’s cell phone and asking, “Call Auntie Kelly?”

Well, it’s nice to know that the aunt “far, far away” is not forgotten.

Even if I won't be there for another 33 days.
…

Silence.

The silence doesn’t stop at my blog.

More prevalent is the silence in my heart.

And the silence here is the result of the silence there.

It’s a silence that can’t be overcome by a trip to room 204, a room where it always sounds nice. But for some reason tonight the notes didn't harmonize and the pitch seemed flat. I can only take it as a hint to be quiet.

The allusive “they” say that it’s in these times that we are to fight harder, press closer and listen longer.

In this I feel I’ve failed both the allusive “they” and the One I’m to be fighting to press closer to hear.

How could He love an unfaithful heart like mine?

And I wonder how God can be so merciful. Mercy baffles me. I wish mercy was more a part of my character than it is. Having a strong sense of justice without the balance of mercy is a bit dangerous. Aaannnd yet I am compassionate? How can I have compassion without mercy?

Sometimes my deficiency in mercy leads me to say things harshly and have attitudes that are “justified.” There’s nothing wrong with black and white…but I think I need help understanding the giving of white when one deserves black.

And perhaps this is what holds me up sometimes in my relationship with the Lord. I don’t feel as if I deserve such attention from the Creator of the universe. I don’t deserve the love and faithfulness of a perfect Lord when I am so imperfect and unfaithful and apathetic at times.

Yet where would I be without mercy?

He still calls us the apple of His eye and the joy set before Him in spite of our undulating emotions and devotion.

It is the slight revelation of His mercy that spurs my heart to have one constant cry to pierce the silence.

I need You, Jesus.

"Be ye perfect..."

After I watched him sign his name, and I started the brief walk to the door, feeling a bit defeated and a bit of a failure.

“I know this is painful for you,” he said. “It’s not easy, but you’ve really thought it through. I wish more students would think things through like you.”

“Thanks,” I replied with a sigh.

His few words were encouraging. They were like an answer to prayer to reassure my faltering mind and heart that God can answer those petitions for wisdom and direction, even if we’re not quite sure how He can. I thanked the Lord for Dr. K as I left.

I knew what needed to be done. But, oh, why is it so hard?

The next year of my life is now—once again—looking a little different than I imagined it to be.

With the counsel of my parents and a good hour-long talk with my advisor, I decided to withdraw from a class, take a few more next semester, do my internship in the summer and graduate in the summer.

Sure. It may not seem like a huge deal. But it is some kind of deal. It is a bit freeing, at least, knowing that, while I’ll still be busy with schoolwork, I won’t be spending all my time on one class while the rest suffer.

I just hate quitting.

I said that I’d rather quit than fail. But somehow quitting also seems like failing.

But sometimes, releasing something is necessary. And somehow, even if the thing needing to be released is holding us back, it’s still not easy. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage and faith to “quit.” Not to mention a bit of humility to admit that we don’t know it all…and can’t do it all.

I am, however, excited at the opportunities this opens up for me. Now I’ll be able to take more classes next semester (ones that will actually help me), and I’ll be able to focus more on my internship without having to juggle schoolwork along with it.

So, it’s okay.

Really.

I’m just a bit of a perfectionist, that’s all.

That’s all.

One more reason to praise Him...

...I'm alive.

Yesterday was an interesting day. After a night of finishing those pesky papers, I headed off to Nashville. No, I hadn't slept at all that night, and, knowing my propensity for falling asleep easily, I prayed that I would stay awake.

It was early and still dark out, but all was alright until an hour and a half into my drive when I tried staying awake by singing some children's song. I don't remember the song, but I remember jumbling the words. I knew I was extremely tired and prayed that God would protect me.

Well...the next things that happened I don't remember very well. It was kind of like a dream that unfortunately wasn't. It happened quickly--I opened my eyes, realizing that I had fallen asleep, and saw that I had gone off the road in some grassy area where the road splits for an exit. I tried stopping by slamming down on a peddle, but I think that perhaps I hit the gas because I certainly didn't stop. My mind was coming a little more coherent when I saw that I was headed for a small pole, and I tried to avoid it. I hit the pole on my passenger side, sending my car spinning into the road. I stopped in the right lane positioned just so and just in time for a van to hit my front driver's side bumper. Wow.

So, the older couple driving the van were fine and uninjured. Their car also was unmaimed (just needed to brush a bit of my paint off). Thank the Lord! We exchanged info and drove away. All I could do was thank the Lord for protecting me and them. I had thought the car was going to t-bone me, but I spun just right. One more reason to praise Him. One HUGE reason to praise Him.

And so I continued my journey to the airport without incident...that is until I neared Nashville and hit traffic that delayed me 45 minutes or so...getting me to the airport parking lot at 8:18 a.m. for my 8:25 flight. That's right folks. I missed my plane.

But it all turned out alright. It was an interesting start to the day, but I'm just grateful to be alive and here with my family.









My brother called me "Dale Earnhart, Jr." I told him I wasn't speeding. He asked how I knew. Mom said that any speed is too fast when you're sleeping .

My inspiration...

As I sit here in the library, I remind myself that once I get these blasted...uh, I mean...great- opportunities-for-enhancing-my-skills...papers finished, I can see this little face in person.

Ew, that is if the millipede crawling up the wall doesn't get me first.

Procrastination...

Only 14 hours...and 6-9 pages of writing...stand between me and fall break.

One paper analyzing a film. Another reviewing one.

I reiterate my displeasure with English classes.

Fine. I'll get to work.

COM>ENG= :)

Recent developements have me wishing I had taken News Writing instead of Non-Fiction Writing or Analytical Writing. My communication classes are much more enjoyable than these English ones.

So maybe I'm not as analytical as I thought....academically speaking.
And perhaps my skill for writing a memoir isn't as well-developed as I'd thought.

But! I'm still good at grammar...and yes, I enjoy it.
AND! I've discovered a new joy in gathering information, interviewing people and writing articles.

So, the bad news is that I don't really like what I got myself into, but the good news is that I like what I am getting myself into. Hopefully I'll remember this during those times when I doubt what I'm doing or worry that I'll be stuck in a job I don't like.

Which brings me to a related topic: "After graduation."

Since I’m graduating in May, people often ask what I plan to do. I used to give them my self-constructed plan.

Then one day I realized that enacting Kelly-made plans doesn’t usually pan out. So, my response changed to these questions.

So, just in case you were wondering…
I’m seeking the Lord for what His plans are for me. I did have my own plans, but I realized that I didn’t even pray about it. And since I’ve found that doesn’t really work, I’m seeking what the Lord wants.

I just want His will. But, I pray that I would want what He wants.

And the just shall live by...

I’m reminded once again of the wise words of C.S. Lewis who explained that life is like an undulating wave, and we humans would be greatly deceived and discouraged if we failed to recognize this.

Often after times of great revelation or growth comes a lull. The emotional high isn’t so high anymore. The Lord’s voice doesn’t seem so loud. Those sermons don’t seem so prevalent. And the Bible seems not to be quite as penetrating as it had before. I wonder where that passion went, and I wonder how I can get it back. It feels a bit murky. The walk is more like a drudge.

Perhaps it’s somewhat stemmed from the comfort I took in my new place of growth...a comfort in my “twitterpation” with growth in the Lord. Ah…I warned myself to beware that comfortable place…

Someone told me today that perhaps we have times like these so we can learn to walk in faith…for how can we have faith in what God says if He is constantly telling us? Faith is spawned from these days of taking the truth that the Lord has spoken and walking confidently that He is who He says He is…and we are who He says we are. Faith is grown in days when the Lord’s presence isn’t felt so close. It is faith that sustains. Faith that pleases God. Faith that enables us to get through these waiting times of hope.

The writer of Hebrews says of Abraham, “And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country” (11:8). Abraham couldn’t see the promise. He could only see the foreign land. All he had was the word that the Lord spoke. With faith he stood on that word, believing that He who promised was also able to fulfill.

What is faith, and how can I get it, I ask myself. We know that faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen. How could I learn to have faith if I could always see? How could I learn to stand on my own will to grasp and run with His word if He never gave me the opportunity to do so?

My friend said it was a time to push harder. Am I giving birth here?? Maybe...

And so I walk. Through the murky fog on a path I can barely see. He doesn’t seem to be as talkative lately, but that’s okay. He’s already said quite a bit. I’ll stand on those words, in faith…trusting the One who I cannot see.

That's no sweet smelling aroma...

You know there’s an issue when you walk out of a nursery, and suddenly you’ve figured out where the smell was coming from. No, not the kids! Just the big, stinky diaper/factory called Bowater . I don’t know what they do there, but it’s not pretty. Thanks, Bowater, for that pungent aroma that regularly saturates our city.

...

“For the dream comes through much effort.”
~Ecclesiastes 5:3

And he’s not joshin’. It may require a little work (well, more than a little), but I’m going to do it! I’m not giving up. It's time for me to use my stubbornness again. Give me some time. I'll get it.

Just words.

Word of the Day for Tuesday, October 3, 2006

indomitable \in-DOM-ih-tuh-buhl\, adjective:
Incapable of being subdued or overcome; unconquerable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love words. I need to put them together more often to form sentences and paragraphs...and posts! I know.

But that is all for now. There's a deadline waiting for me, and I need to meet it.

Life is going.
God's still good.
I'm still busy.
I'd write more if I could.

With a grateful...trusting...heart

“Good. I knew there had to be a reason for it. It just seemed so perfect that I knew there had to be a reason it didn’t happen.”

This the response of my roommate yesterday when I told her that I was glad and sooo very thankful that I didn’t get the perfect job I was suppose to get earlier this semester.

It had the right hours, the right “clients” and better pay than one can find anywhere else on campus. I inquired and was given reason to hope that the job was practically mine. But then someone else got the job. Someone who didn’t have my availability but for some reason was given the job anyway. So it didn’t happen. And I didn’t know why.

I was looking to work every Tuesday and Thursday in the school nursery. Instead I’m just on the list for special events. Can I just say that I don’t know what I would do without those daytime hours to do schoolwork? Sorry, but school is my job right now. But, I still get to work occasionally, quite frequently? And my needs are always met with abundant provision? Thank the Lord that His vision is better than ours.

I still love those occasions I get to work. Like last night and today. Sure, I had to be there this morning before the sun had quite risen. And sure I may have been spit-up on a few times today. And yesterday the wild older kids may have tested my patience a few times. But I love kids. Seeing again the older kids I became attached to last week was refreshing somehow. And rocking babies as they fall asleep on me today? In the words of Master Card—priceless.

I got my baby fix. I’m happy.

I like my job. That’ll be the first time in a while.


We were reminded this week to rejoice. Be thankful. Give praise.

I'm thankful for business. I prefer being busy with school work than busy doing nothing.

I rejoice in the Lord's provision. He does supply our needs. Why don't we just trust?

I’m grateful for a Lord who is so patient.

And I'm thankful that His vision is so much better and greater than mine could ever be on my own.

Today I'm trusting Him, thanking Him that He says His vision can be mine any day.


(A bit disjointed...but that's just how I am sometimes....) :)

One Small Voice

The caller-id said "Mom." I figured I should answer it...quietly, of course, since I was in the library.

"Hi."

That wasn't Mom's voice. I quickly left the building (since cell-phone use is not acceptable practice in the library).

"Hi, Andi!"

"Hi, Auntie Kelly."

I hear Mom, Josh and Nikki in the background prompting

"What's up?"

"Hmm..well, uh..."

"We went to a soccer game today."

I responded that that's swell. Then I was prompted to talk to her. I told her that I was going to school far away, but I would be back soon, and we could play again.

And she said..

"Bye, bye, Auntie Kelly."

Ooooh...she's growing up without me. Well, what's an aunt in college to do?

A: Go see her nieces (&co.) in THREE weeks.

Nice.

My Life as a Nerd

I have a new address.

In case anyone is looking for me, I can be found at:

Squires Library
Lee University
Cleveland, Tenn

Once in a while I venture out to go to class or church or to exercise, eat dinner, or sleep...

But for the next few weeks, I'll mainly be here.

The databases are my companions, the quiet stillness my best friend.

Just another grey day..

I rose this morning while is was still quite dark...and it stayed quite dark until 2:00pm thanks to stormy skies.

I spent the day with a bunch of southern kids.

I almost lost my midwestern accent. Woo. That was close.

While repremanding a child who wasn't listening to me, I stopped myself from saying to her, "Say 'Yes, Kelly.'"

I realized that I become attached to people very easily. At the end of the day I was sad to say goodbye, not knowing when I'd see those cute faces again.

Surely they need a babysitter or a supervisor for their birthday sleepovers?

That's all.

Photo Journal

I've been a bit lax on uploading my pictures.

But now there's a good 2 and a half pages of visual Kellydom here.

Check it out.

...and a little bit of that...

A few mornings last week I would wake up, step outside and wonder if autumn had not come to Cleveland a little early this year. The air was crisp. The sound of dried leaves rustling filled my ears. But then come afternoon, I would have to trade my autumnal outfit for a summer one as the temperatures had once again climbed to the 80's. Well, I love autumn and the changing of seasons and it will come soon enough. Until then I'll enjoy this warm weather and the skirts I can wear to accompany it.

...

Mornings. This morning I threw my discipline to the wind and set my beeping alarm for an hour later. In an effort to rid my under-eyes of the darkness that seems to have been looming there for the past week, I neglected my morning exercise for a few more zzz's. It's the first time I've not exercised in the morning since I started my routine this semester. I figure it's alright, though. Tomorrow's a new day, and I'll be back at it.
...

Dark circles. Yes. Though I'm taking a mere 15 hours, those 15 hours are keeping me quite occupied. Multiple writing classes and 400-level classes throw a steady stream of reading and writing my way. It's never done, I assure you. *Sigh* Less than 27 weeks; less than 27 weeks... (Just keeping my eye on the finish line for this race.)

...

Busy. Yes, my schedule is quite full. I had to reprioritize. Meaning... no dance team for me. Considering time constraints, I thought it to be better to dedicate my time to something more...worthwhile. Not that being on a dance team has no worth, but I'd rather dedicate my time to the church or doing something that will help or matter in the long run. I made this decision and not even an hour later did I run into my friend and former roommate who is president of the International Justice Mission chapter here. I asked how it was going and commented how I've mulled over getting involved. She said they still needed another officer for doing PR and designing flyers and such...and that person could be me if I wanted it. Uh. Yeah. It was a total blessing from the Lord because I would like to work with a non-profit organization like that after I graduate, doing such media-related things. I have been thinking about this possibility this semester and had just that day been researching it a bit more..but I was a bit worried because I'm lacking a bit in the experience department. Ah, isn't the Lord good?

...

Good. Yes, indeed He is. It can be so overwhelming at times to consider how patient He is with me. His love is so unlike ours that has been tainted by carnality. His is perfect. And He draws us to Himself...even though we may not be too pleased at first about the way He does so. But He loves us enough to let us be in pain for a little bit. And He won't leave us in the dark, either. He gives understanding. He gives light. He allows us to see what we couldn't see before. He draws us into His shelter, allowing us to see His heart and to rest in trust. He is good. My Lord is so good.

Little bit of this...

Yesterday I found myself on my knees for an hour. But no, I wasn’t praying. I was scrubbing our kitchen floor that I never knew wasn’t grey until yesterday. I swept it and began mopping it…until I realized that the sponge mop wasn’t just going to cut it. To get it really clean, I was going to need to scrub that baby. As I scrubbed the dirt away, I began thinking of analogies (because I’m always coming up with analogies…I once made a devotional based on White Out) of how when we fail to do minor housekeeping tasks in our own life, we eventually get to a place where just sweeping and mopping won’t do…we have to get down and dirty and use a little scrubbie to loose the junk that’s been caked there for so long. I could have turned it into quite the sermonette. However, I realized that I didn’t really want to turn my blog into Brio Magazine again (thought there’s nothing wrong it occasionally happening). What I really concerned me was that in the future, we regularly clean our house so that I wouldn’t have to do that again. Beca says I probably won’t have to anyway because the floor is so scared of my vigorous scrubbing that it now throws the dirt back up.

Ah, but it’s good to be back to this little world of blogging. Schoolwork and schedules and social engagements have kept me rather occupied. It fact, I really should be reading right now... But I’m not. Because I wanted to share a few tidbits of contemplations…

First of all, there are only five weeks until fall break. Second, I discovered this morning that I have 27 weeks until graduation. Oh golly. I’m going to have to grow up and get a career…Exciting. Scary.

But most of all, I wanted to share this secret… I miss family. Just in the past few days I’ve really felt that lack of family in my little heart. Sure, we have our hodgepodge family here, but it’s not the same as family. I miss my girls. My roommates can attest to the fact that when I walk by the pictures of my nieces on my bookshelf, I stop, stare longingly and say, “Ooohh. I just want to squeeze your little cheeks!” I miss my sister. She and I had our rough spots over the years (as can be imagined when there’s 7 years separating us), but in the last few, we’ve come to be friends, and we have a rather jolly time together…since we’re a bit alike and all:) And I miss my brother, who I will still hold as the funniest person I know (he’s awesome). Mom. Dad. Sis-in-law. Even Gram and Gramps with their funny antics.

But more than missing my family, I miss being around family. But not just any families. This one. And these folks. And of course the whole lot of those belonging to her (including them).

But I don’t have time to dwell on such emotions. There’s reading to do. At least it's interesting reading...

Opps...

Sorry...here it really is...

"Dancing at Lee University!"

I realize that I've been rather negligent of my contemplations for the past few days....and I will continue to do so today. But, to tide you over, here is the dance team's performance from this April. Somehow it made it to the internet... "Gasp! Is there actual dancing going on at Lee University?? In this Lee Day 2006 number at the Conn Center, of course there is! Cleveland, TN will never be the same!"

I guess you can find just about anything on Google.

La gloria del Senor...

“I am undone,” Isaiah cries upon glimpsing the glory of the Lord.

Upon seeing the glory of the Lord in my life, I can’t help but repeat, “I am undone.”

I am overwhelmed by the Lord. I am overwhelmed at the thought that He does not desire for me to be a diamond in the rough, but rather a brilliantly cut stone. I am overwhelmed at what He has revealed to me. I am overwhelmed at where He has brought me. I am overwhelmed to what He has called me.

I would pray for the Lord to make me more like Christ. I would sing with Mr. Camp,

“Holy fire,
Burn away
My desires
And anything
That is not of You
And is of me.
I want more of You,
And less of me.
Empty me.”

And He responded. The road has not been easy, and the refining process I still don’t quite grasp. But I know that He has called me to be more like Christ. He is forming me like clay on a potter’s wheel. I am undone just thinking about His goodness. I am blessed by His love and His attention to my life.

Do not despise His chastening. Our weaknesses must be brought forth so that His strength may come through. We must be purged if we want to be used. We must be torn down so that He can build us up to be stronger and more beautiful and more useful than before.

Be encouraged through the fire. I can’t fully comprehend or explain it, but when we allow ourselves to come face to face with truth…when we don’t run from the difficult chastening…when we consider His refinement a blessing…He will bless us. And we will be more fulfilled in becoming more like Him. And His glory will shine through us.

So I will still my spirit and trust Him with more than my life...

Who am I that He is mindful of me?

I am undone.



*Edit*

Lest you join those who think me to be a "strong girl," I'll be the first to admit that I am weak...

"I'm a big kid now...or not..."

Sunday afternoon finds me in my old dorm, waiting for my laundry to finish drying. I probably should be doing homework, but the mass of thoughts swirling through my head require me to be here…not writing for a grade.

One of the subjects in brain this week have been about growing.

So easily are many deceived into confusing the concepts of “growing up” and “growth.” The fear or attitude that we need to be “somebody” before doing something causes many to do nothing. And the concept of being “somebody” takes many forms, but the most common and probably most unnoticed is to believe that we need to be the somebody who has things all figured out and knows what one needs to know…and course never requires help and never makes mistakes. This attitude of reaching some state where we will feel that we have sufficiently matured and know what there is to know, is nothing but pride and a lie we’ve told ourselves to excuse our fears.

Growth. We eventually stop growing up, but we never stop growing. We may never “feel” that we are ready to do something. And this can paralyze us from doing anything. We must accept our imperfection. We must accept that we do not know everything. We must choose to be teachable. Choose to take risks. It’s in the doing where we grow. As the book title says, “You can’t walk on water until you get out of the boat.” A stagnant spirit, waiting to come to some utopian state before deeming oneself “ready” for a move in life is nothing but a fear-driven excuse. Sometimes, it’s only in taking that step…it’s only in accepting our own weaknesses and imperfection…and walking in the faith of God…where we truly grow.

Growth is found in admitting that I’m not perfect. It’s found in denying my pride and grasping humility. It’s in refusing to be stubborn. It’s in spurning an unteachable spirit. It’s in trusting God and His ways of growing me enough to make my faith active.

I’m no longer a kid. I’ve been deemed “mature” for quite sometime now. I’ve done my share of “growing up”…but I’ll be the first to admit that I not done growing. I’ll be growing until the day I die. I better get used to it. I’m a 22-year-old woman who doesn’t know it all and is far from perfect. And I’ve yet to walk on water, but the Lord beckons me to come out of the boat. I’m not going to let my pride or fear keep me from responding to God’s call for me….God’s call to “grow up,” leave behind those days of both my personal and spiritual childhood and respond to His call to be a woman of God. A woman of God who will spend the rest of her life learning…and growing.

It's the second day of classes...

It’s the second day of classes. Just as the sun was rising in the sky, she and I walked to class….to the very classroom that we met exactly one year ago today. Who would have know we would be housemates 365 days later?

It’s the second day of classes. I am surrounded by the familiar. The buildings are still here, and the landscape has barely changed. I even see some of those same familiar faces of the strangers I pass every week. It’s been about four months since I’ve done this “school” thing, and yet those four months seem like they were sucked into some sort of other time continuum. So I was really gone?

It’s the second day of classes. I am engulfed by the change. Though things be familiar, more greatly are things different. My house. My walk to school. My 400 level classes. My impending graduation….just to name a few. “The only thing constant is change,” they say. I guess I better embrace it or be miserable and left behind in the dust.

It’s the second day of classes. I’ve been to four out of my six classes this semester. I’m going to be writing. I’m going to be writing all the time. During all those first classes, I think of what else I could take instead of this class….but then I have to tell myself that, though it’s not going to be easy, I need to embrace the opportunity to learn new things and develop my skills. Ahhhh. Fine. And, I guess while I’m at it, that attitude should be applied to more than class work…hard equals not fun…but easy doesn’t usually equal growth, either.

It’s the second day of classes. Tomorrow I meet with my advisor. To discuss the future. In eight months that are sure to fly by, I will be out of my protective bubble called “school,” and I need to be the best candidate for some sort of job. That is until I’m the tour manager for that one up and coming future rock star I know in New York:)

It’s the second day of classes. And it’s time for me to go to class.

Someone's TWO today...

Happy 2nd Birthday
to the greatest niece
and the smartest, cutest little girl
(who's over a year, of course).

Someday I'll be there for her birthday...

Tired thoughts of home.

Well, I made it. After eleven and a half hours in a car fully packed inside and out....and my companions, silence and a walkman playing 5 hours of a conference I once attended... I arrived at my new house in Cleveland.

It's a great little house. Much bigger than the one I called home for four months last semester. I was welcomed by familiar faces and long hugs from a few of those special people I hadn't seen in quite some time.

I spent all day trying to get my stuff put away, and yet I feel like I made but a dent. I eventually escaped the chaos of my and Laura's loft room...and escaped the empty, unfamiliar house for a more familiar sight...and a place with internet connection. Arriving at the student union, I walked up the stairs to hear the gentle roar of a post-chapel mixer going on on the main floor. Hmm... I continue upstairs to the empty third floor and settle myself in a comfy big chair...only to immediately think of the memory I have of this spot...

But more importantly, and certainly more productive, are my thoughts of my week at home in Rockford. I think it was my best trip back there of the year. I spent time with a friend I met during Christmas break and had a complete blast with her going IKEA, Big Bowl, and JMK (where we got our karaoke on). I had lots of quality time with the nieces (and taught the smart Andi what a platypus is and to say, "That's fo' sho'"). I even got to spend time with my brother, which is a bit uncommon because of his whole "work" thing he has going on. I learned that that habit I have of holding a drink in my mouth before swallowing is also a trait of both my dad and my brother. I actually felt like my time between people was a bit more balanced than before.

More significantly, though, I had good, quality times with both my dad and mom. A "kitchen conversation" with my dad (where we're in the kitchen, both standing, leaning on counters in similar fashion) revealed that Dad and I have more in common than the way we stand...and the exciting news that not only had he been attending a church since June, but also had been attending a "Crash Course in Christianity" class every week, too. I was shocked. I was filled with joy...and hope.

I had talks with my mom, too. My willingness to be open in mind, heart and speech allowed me to hear and accept what she had to say, as well as be built up by her words. It was a time of healing in our relationship. It started a real mending to our mother/daughter relationship. And I'm so glad. She has blessed me and spoken God's Word to me. With her words of encouragement and support, even today, she has made me thankful for our relationship.

And now...I think I'll be off. My head is starting to spin, my thoughts are disjointed, and I'm having difficulty remembering how to spell words. It's time for me to head...to that house I live in...which is soon to be "home."

The Word is life.

"'Ho! Everyone who thirsts,
Come to the waters;
And you who have no money,
Come, buy and eat.
Yes, come, buy wine and milk
Without money and without price.
Why do you spend money for what is not bread,
And your wages for what does not satisfy?
Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,
And let your soul delight itself in abundance.
Incline your ear, and come to Me.
Hear, and your soul shall live.'"

~Isaiah 55:1-2~

Guilty as charged. I thirst and hunger...yet I spend myself on what does not satisfy and fill myself up with what does not edify my body, soul and spirit. I spend myself when He just invites, "Come and eat."

I will listen. I will delight. I will live.

Raw Contemplations.

Much more than a refining fire or a burning of chaff, the past days have been more like a spiritual colonic...or a digging out of roots that have been growing for 22 years way down deep.

I've finally looked in the mirror...or actually had the mirror held up to me...because a broken pot reveals its contents and a squeezed sponge oozes what it's soaked up. My eyes have been opened and my ears are now more sponge-like than the rocks they have been for so long.

But the mirror was held up, and I was appalled at what I saw. Junk and muck that's just been sitting for years breeding off of itself. I had already begun to see the unteachable spirit and rebellion...and the pride....but the anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, judgment... who knew so much could be found? These aren't new. They didn't develop in me over the past few months, or even the past year. But this week has brought me to a place of openess and revelation....and made me "ready" to hear those things I haven't wanted to hear for years. Channels of communication that have been closed for some time have been cleared...holding back has been cast aside. I'm done wearing masks. This is who I am.

I want geniuneness. I'm done over-dramatizing some issues and completely ignoring others.

Now hear me. I'm not saying that I've been a complete farce and all who have come to know me don't really know me. And I'm not saying that I think I'm utterly worthless and overcome. But in my life there is muck that I need to be rid of.

Wow. Where do I go from here? And how do I deal with the rest of it?

Mom says day by day. And God says, "Be patient. Wait."

And so I do. I'll be here. Waiting.

Goodbye.

Today I leave New York.

I leave a far different person than as I came 11 weeks ago.

What I take from here is invaluable.

I thought I was here to learn about family. And I was. And I did.

Family was something I observed. I witnessed how healthy ones worked…from younger ones to one that had been running for over 25 years.

It was something I needed to see. And the lessons I take from what I witnessed won’t be fully known until that unseen day down the road when I find myself with a family of my own.

But more than witnessing, observing and gleaning from family…I was embraced in family.

From the first night I arrived to the last, I was loved as part of the family. Perhaps I didn’t recognize it fully until this week, but I well know that I leave behind some friends who truly are more like sisters and brothers.

And I now also well know that I return to two parents who deeply love and care for their youngest daughter. And I return to a brother and sister (and talk to the other sister) whose love and loyalty for their little sis runs deep.

But aside from all these family-related lessons, I learned and grew in other areas, in ways I don’t fully know but am aware that something was started in me.

Like in Spain. I was stretched and had to step out of the box I had so comfortably resided in for so long. I mean, this girl who doesn’t like getting up in front of groups and speaking about anything personal not only talked to a church but stood on a box and shouted for all in the plaza to hear. And that’s only a part of it. A new work was started in me indeed.

And in all that I learned and in all the areas where there’s been growth, perhaps the most valuable, and certainly the hardest and most costly of all lessons, I learned in my last days here. I am far from having a complete grasp on it (and sincerely doubt that I ever will), but I relish the wisdom I should have sought out long ago. And I am determined to make new habits. I’m not alone in this life. And I don’t have to be. And I shouldn’t be.

And so I leave. I finish up one chapter and stare at the blank page separating this one from the next. I can’t say that I know what’s in store. I can’t even say that I have an inkling, a dream or a hope. I have only the knowledge that as I walk the road…I’m not the only one on it.

So, goodbye New York. With red eyes and a tear-stained face, I load up the last of my things, shut the door to this empty yellow house I called home for a few months, and make the long drive home.

I love you.

And I’ll be back.

How could I not?

We're family.

Opps, I did it again....again...

It was just going to be a quick stop to return something. In and out in five minutes.

So, I pull into the parking lot, only to see her heading to her car that is parked right next to mine. We exchange marvels of seeing one another in the booming metropolis of Canton as I get out of my car and she gets into hers.

I do my return and head back out to my car. Hmmm....where are those keys? I search through my purse. Noope. I don't see them on the seat at all, so I go back into the store. Perhaps I left them on the counter. Nooope. I head out to the car again and look once again for any sign of my keys.

Oh, there they are. In the ignition.

Good thing I have road-side assistance with my insurance, and they are more than happy to deal with such a matter (as I well know).

And so I call. And I am asked, " Do you know the license plate number of your car without getting out the vehicle?" I think there would be bigger problems than not knowing my license plate number if I locked my keys in the car...with me in it.

And so it was all taken care of. I wasn't too annoyed because at least I burned some time and had the satisfaction that all that money I put (okay, well, my dad puts) towards insurance actually gets me something.

I returned home, and I told my tale to her husband (sometimes referred to as "Aww Dad" late nights in Spain)...she hadn't returned before me, thankfully.

And he said that he and I make quite a pair.

But at least I lock my doors if I leave the keys in the ignition.

And that's why I still have my car.

A Smorgasbord of Thoughts

Okay, so perhaps I won’t really be a hermit. I just think all the traveling and hoards of people were getting to me. But it’s been great to be back here in the north country, seeing my two families…and seeing the growth in three little munchkins.

And I must say that after almost 28 days of travel, it’s nice to be able to not live out of a suitcase…for a few days at least.

All of this is to not to say that I did have a good time in Connecticut and New York. A mite jet-lagged or not, I’m glad to have spent those few days with my sis, mom and grandparents. For, as we were on the train back to Connecticut from the city, I had the revelation that I wouldn’t be seeing my sister for quite some time. Unless she somehow has time off to come to Tennessee, the earliest I’ll be seeing her is October.

It’s interesting. My sister and I did not get along very well for many, many years. She’s seven years and two months my senior, which makes being very good friends a little difficult growing up. But as I’ve graduated high school, and we’ve both matured, we’ve become friends and have a rather good time with one another now. Amazing what a little time and distance do.

Speaking of time and distance, it’s been 11 weeks today since I left my southern home. Eleven weeks have passed since I exchanged goodbyes with a few of the people I love, got in my packed little car and backed out of my long driveway, viewing my little house and two of my dearest friends and roomies for the last time.

Much has happened since that day. To the untrained eye, it may seem as if nothing of significance has come from this time, but the truth is quite contrary. During my time both here in the New York and in Spain, I have learned a lot and have grown in multiple areas. And the thing is, I don’t really fully know the extent of it all. They’re more subtle changes and attitudes that will reveal themselves over time and in different places.

But I digress (as if I really have something to digress from)…I have been gone from Tennessee (and all interested parties there) for eleven weeks. But, ONE WEEK from today, I will be seeing the faces of one good friend (and co.) and one special someone who strikes my fancy.

Actually it’s less than a week by this time.

I hope I stay busy.

*EDIT*

Some photos from Connecticut and NYC here...if you dare.

"All By Myself"

When I get back to my NY home, I'm thinking about locking myself in my room and being a hermit for a couple of days.

Opps...I did it again...

The sun must be stronger here because I find myself with a scorched back and a pink scalp, etc... aaahhhh!! Blast my vanity.
.....

I was going to upload some pics...however, there doesn't appear to be a place to plug in the ol' camera on this computer. Guess we'll just have to wait, eh?
.....

Okay, I think I'll be off...because this interchange happened a few minutes ago:

Hotel desk guy: "You know there's a charge for using the computer."

I don't realize he's talking to me, so he repeats...

Hotel desk guy: "You know there's a charge for using the computer."

Me (turning around in my chair): "There is?"

HDG: "Yes. But you just paid it with that smile."

Etc...


Yeah. I'm leaving now. I guess this sunburnt skin is just too much for some guys.

Back but not quite home...

That's right. This world traveler's feet touched American soil for the first time in three weeks yesterday. It was a blessed occurrence.

I'm not quite done traveling yet, though.

I'm now found in Connecticut with my mom, grandparents and sis (who's living here for the summer).

I'm sure I've have lots to write about Spain. And I will. But not now. The hotel lobby is a little too loud for such deep contemplations that are usually found here:)

So, I'll just leave it at that. That and...water is so much better tasting here in the U.S.

Suffering for the Lord

No quotation marks here folks. No irony implied.

There was this nasty sunburn. (This is only one strip of it...there was more)...



And then this mysterious bruise showed up on my foot (origin unknown)...



Then there was this rather rough "exchange" I had with a member on the team, leaving me with...



And and a knee looking like this...



And an extra bruise added to an already bruised knee (from our dance and drama)...



Then today I was on the receiving end of a "pillow jab"...which left me with a little blood on the lip and and a bit o´ fatness...



And then I do some laundry, hang it out to dry, and come back to find this...



As well as random articles falling to their demise (okay, maybe not to their demise, but still)



And don´t even get me started on the bad hair days...and the weirdos who sometimes follow us guapas mujeres around...



But, besides being used as the team pinata (there were a few unphotographed being kicked multiple times in the middle of the night incidents, too...I´ve mentioned no names in any of the instances to protect the not-so-inocent), the time in Spain is going famously. The Lord is definately doing a work through us and in us. And we´re only half-way through...

The past few days have been pretty amazing. We´ve been in Malaga with a small Spanish church for the past few days. We were with them this morning for service, as well as on Friday and Saturday nights doing street ministry on the boardwalk by the beach. It´s a small church, but I have no doubt that God will use this little congregation in this city in a mighty way.

Right now the rest of the team is watching the futbol game of all futbol games. Though I like futbol, I can´t say that I care too much about the outcome of this game since I don´t follow soccer the rest of the time...

Okay, mis amigos, I´m off. Thank you for all who have been praying for us; please keep doing so! God is awesome and is working here in the church. It´s all for His glory.

Take care of the U.S. for me...

Hasta luego.

"Peaches-n-Cream" was popular at one point

(said in one of those brilliant English accents)

Peter: "Kellay, you've got t' get some sun on thos'legs."

Me: "I knoooow."

Peter: "They're so white. Like milk."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, my legs didn't really get sun, but my shoulder certainly did.

Estoy en Espana.

In case anyone was wondering, we're here.

Spain is beautiful. The Mediterranean Sea is amazing to swim in. The outreachs are amazing. The Lord is movin'.

You can go here for an update and here for some pics.

Adios. Hasta luego.

No time to contemplate.

So much to do, so little time.

I hate packing. Especially for long trips.

Departure from Madrid in 20 hours.

It's going to be awesome...God is going to be awesome!

I'm sure Anne Shirley would have agreed...

I’ve grown to love screened porches. They’re not too common where I come from. Decks, verandas and patios are more the fare in the great Midwest, but I think there’s just something so peaceful and somewhat whimsical about these special little rooms.

I sat in a new one tonight…perhaps one of my favorites. The setting sun painted the sky in colors of purple, aquamarine and that brilliant pinkish orange color as I rocked in the rocking chair and dreamed of having a screened porch of my own some day. Of course my daydreaming lasted for but a minute as my friend and I were soon joined by a few others. It was a welcome interruption, though, as lively and humorous talk is sure to inhabit the company of this group of people I’ve come to call my friends.

Besides, this was my only adventure for the night. They’re off right now, traipsing through mud and brush, up the slope of the mountain to build another bonfire. I hate to miss out on the fun, but something tells me it’s wiser for me to get some rest, considering I haven’t felt so wonderful for the past two days. *sigh*

No pude dormir si yo lei.

Having been once again jilted by sleep in the 5:00 am hour, I was compelled to give up trying to sleep and do something productive...like read the Bible.

Our departure for Spain is approaching quickly, and I find myself wishing I knew how to communicate more in the native tongue of the people we are going to reach. So, this morning I read a bit of the Spanish Bible online, and I've determined to find a print version today.

My memorization verse for Spain:

"El ladrón no viene más que a robar, matar y destruir; yo he venido para que tengan vida, y la tengan en abundancia." Juan 10:10

May we bring the truth and joy of the freedom of salvation to the Spaniards.

Photographs.

A day for pictures...

I hadn't seen these faces in quite some time, so I was delighted to see pictures of my girls in my mailbox today:



She looks so little here! But cute in her little pigtails, nonetheless.














Here's my beautiful little girl. Her blue eyes are turning green...









And we can't forget about smilie Rylie.


And now for some interestingness (I don't care if it's not really a word):

So, there's this gem of a website. Careful, it can suck a lot of time away from you if you're not careful. But this is what I've discovered.

Apparently here, here, here, here, and here, I bear about a 75% resemblance to quite a few celebs. Some of the repeat offenders:


(I'm not joshin')

Perhaps the most striking resemblance is how I look like him here.

Not once did it say I look like her, though it's not uncommon for me to hear that I do.

So, I'm practically a celebrity. Practically...

However, how many of them could perfect such a look as this??

(thanks for capturing it, Benny:)

Okay, I'm so done. I spent way too much time on this.

Time is slippin'...

Operation Spain: One week 'til departure.

In one week, my summer will be practically spent, and I'll be back in Tennessee before you can say....the Declaration of Independence...yeah. But seriously. Plans have been coming into place for the rest of the summer. I'll be in Spain for three weeks, then it's off to Connecticut/NYC for a few days with the sis' and mi madre...then the north country, New Hampshire, Illinois...bada boom, bada bang, I'm back in class wishing I didn't have a bunch of papers to write. Ah, life.

And now, for your listening...um...pleasure?...here's some...uh...great...yeah...great...tunes from back in the day. Prepare to be nostalgic. Talk about time passing.

:)

Honest contemplations...

I went for a walk today. I was only going to go around the “block,” but ended up walking much farther than that. I walked for over an hour and a half. Why? It was one of those Forrest Gump moments: “I just felt like runnin’.” I often venture out on such trips of solitude, with only my thoughts to keep me company.
And lots of thoughts I have to occupy myself. See, I’m a thinker. And somehow I’m such a big thinker that it ended up in the top five of my “strengths” (“intellect” they call it)...though I often wonder how good this quality of mine is. There is such a thing as thinking too much…

My thoughts….oh varied in nature…but with one central theme. And, oh, here’s my warning: get ready for some honesty straight from the heart and mind of Kelly Berg. I am so weak. Now, I realize that this is nothing new and nothing uncommon, but it’s just resting a bit heavily right now. I like to be strong. I’ve had to be strong. Having been already broken from relying on my own strength already this year, I don’t come close to wanting to have to go through such a lesson again, however good it was to learn.

It’s different now, anyway. Weakness, as with many things, can take different forms.

I need to fight but have no strength. Drained. Slightly empty from a lack of being filled (partially from my own laziness, partially from circumstances). Before I needed to learn to not fight my own battles. Now I’m being called to do a little warring in prayer and be a bit more vigilant in the mind. Did you know that “Kelly” means “warrior"? Not mistakenly do I bear such a name. I’m to put on the full armor of God…Gird up the loins of my mind. The enemy is real. I don’t fight alone, but I do need to fight. It takes effort. Will I be so lazy and accept defeat? Or, really…will I accept my weakness as my defeat?

I know His strength is perfected in my weakness. I know my times of weakness are His times of glory. I know He is at my right hand (my fighting hand). I know He has given my the instruments to victory.

But they’re heavy. And I am weak. So weak.

He is my hope. I have none other.

They're just "Hull"arious.

Quotes from the canoe:


Nancy: "Bubsie stop!"

Benny: "It's not me. The water's really jumpy tonight."

~~~~~~~~~
Benny: "Is fat a meat? Would a vegetarian consider it a meat?"

Nancy: "Well, if it were from meat a vegetarian wouldn't eat it, but it'd be okay if it were from vegetables."

Kelly: "No, fat isn't a meat. It's an animal bi-product, and vegetarians don't eat animal bi-products."

Benny: "So, they don't get leather seats in their cars?"

Kelly: "Well, not if they were going to knaw on it."

~~~~~~~~~
Benny: "Hey, why don't you put a bird costume on, get some worms, and..."

Kelly: "Benny, I'm a Berg not a bird."

~~~~~~~~~
Nancy: "That's just ignorant."

~~~~~~~~~
Benny: "Well, we're not going to see any deer now."

Nancy: "No, but we'll probably see some laughing hyenas looking for their mate."

Kelly: "Hey!"

~~~~~~~~~~
Nancy: "It's a wonder you still come around for all you endure."

Kelly: "Eh, it's like family."

Nancy: "Yeah. Family, where the abuse happens."

Potsdam Nights

The typical Potsdam (and beyond) night:

1. Plan to go somewhere.
2. Go to that somewhere (while listening to Keith Urban) to find it closed...or just not what someone really wants.
3. Act like we're a slammin' gang/posse/north country folk in the parking lot.
4. Hit the club. ("The Bagelry, "The Bowling Alley" or "Remote Woods in the Middle of Nowhere" are popular choices).
5. Walk the strip (aka. walk to P&C....or to someone's house to return socks).
6. Optional: Hit one last club ("Sergi's") for refreshment and some fly tunes.
7. Call it a night and head back to Madrid (listening to Keith Urban).

We also like to add the following: laughter at our own stupidity; phone calls from/to people far away who should really be there anyway; jokes about a Jewish guy; random breaking out in dance...complete with faces; misunderstanding what someone says...which of course leads to a good 3 minutes of joking; and a man carry a purse....among other things.

Conversations

Speaking of conversations...

A long-overdue phone chat with my sister-in-law makes me thankful that there are those who have "been there"...and who are there...Whenever. She loves me enough to listen...and to speak...not always what I want to hear...but that's the great thing about her. She's willing to ask the hard questions as well as give encourage. So good it was to hear her voice after five weeks. I love my siblings.

An hour and a half late-night IM chat with Alison drew out some tears. My first friend at Lee proves to be one of the most faithful of all. It's hard to keep in touch over the distance and time...but she does...more than anyone else, she does. I love her! And I'm so proud to be able to stand up (in this) at her wedding in January. Good friends aren't easy to come by. She is unique in that sense and such a blessing.

Two special people. Two special conversations. I am blessed to have these women in my life. Sisters and friends. God is good.

PS. I had white tea at 11:00. White tea has some caffeine in it. Maybe this is why I'm still awake.

And then I said..

He commented that I need to post more.

I said that I use to, but I just don't have much to write about.

He said any conversation can turn into a post.

...

So, there you go.

More musings...

Mmm yes…it’s been another week…a “short” week thanks to the change of scenery. I spent about four days in New Hampshire visiting a couple of special people. It was a really great time. Indeed.

I surely wish that I had something profound or witty to write. It seems like I had more to write than I do now. My xanga posts always seemed to be somewhat interesting, whether funny, random or serious…

All I have right now are the thoughts of a heart that longs so greatly to be more. More what? More pure. To have a pure love for my Lord. To be pure in thought, action, speech and motive. To be blameless and without offense. Purity is so much more than physical and relational. Purity…is holiness, righteousness. It is untainted. It is free from pollutants. It’s like distilled water. Pure h2o. Oh, to have everything distilled down into a pure love from my Father….and then to have everything built on that. To live with a simplicity and sincerity as Paul teaches in II Corinthians 1:12. To simply and sincerely love and act upon what our heavenly Father has called us to do…and be.

And I don’t want this just to be a “good girl.” I don’t want it for my reputation. I don’t even want it to preserve (or develop) a “good name.” For, while a good name is to be valued (I believe Proverbs says so), it is not just my name that I uphold. I have taken on another name, been marked by one of whose name I am not worthy to bear…yet He writes it on my heart regardless. What an honor. What a privilege. What a responsibility. “For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord” (II Cor. 4:5). What is my life preaching? For it’s not just about me…it’s about them…and it’s about HIM.

Like I said...nothing profound...just simple thoughts I have tonight.

Random Thoughts...contemplations, if you will...

I've been slightly lax in posting this week, but I only have as long as the Doodle Bops are on...so I'm pulling out: "Kelly's Famous List of Random Thoughts."

• Fewer things can initiate more reflection on the past year than spending an hour scrubbing off 12 months of a dry erase calendar. And fewer things can cause more thoughts of the upcoming 12 months as writing in the new dates...
• Sometimes kids are stinking funny. And sometimes they're just stinking...
• I finally went back to a chiropractor after months of "good intentions." I've been twice this week...shouldn't it feel slightly better??
• My new favorite indulgences: Pomegranate Peach White Tea (iced) and organic Turkish figs. (they don't have my favorite organic granny smith apples up here)
• So, right before our first meeting for Spain, I read this email from school. I had written to the assistant director of the global perspectives program and asked about my trip counting as my cross-cultural experience. What I got back was a verging-upon-rude response that, well, duh, NO, it can't because I'm a loser. I am not a loser!
• Spain is going to be awesome. Stretching. But awesome.
• I think the Lord is wanting my faith to grow. You're right Friend #...um...pi...squared...thanks for the walkingtalk on Wednesday. I needed to hear it.
• It hit me yesterday that I'm going to Africa. I mean...I knew Morocco was in Africa...and I knew we were going there....but I suppose it just didn't sink in. Sweet.
• I'm going off gallivanting in New Hampshire next week for a few days. Gallivanting is sheer pleasure...especially when one gallivants to see wonderful people.
• A new favorite game: Mille Borne. Brietta and I totally whopped our opposition... *Ehem* mentioning no names....
• It's been exactly one month...even to the hour...since I left Cleveland. I still love my southern home..and all that entails...

Okay, I'm off…because the Doodle Bops are, too…

My "Friends"

My new friends here have another group of friends. And they're pretty big fans of their friends. We can't even go for a walk without hearing about how something reminds them of one of them. It's Ross this, Joey that, Monica blah blah blah blah... Yep. I hate to be the one to break it to them that their favorite friends aren't really reality. One already confuses conversations he watched with conversations in real life. It's sad. And slightly obsessive.

But, despite the constant blending of the non-reality with reality (and indeed I would say sometimes because of it), it was a great day. To quote her, "Two good Sundays in a row!" Yes. I would say that Sunday has become my favorite day of the week. Part of it probably has to do with actually having one day of the week when something is actually scheduled...but more than that, I do love gathering together for worship and a message. And I do love the fun times that follow for the rest of the day. Good times indeed.

And for my friends here (the real ones)...just thought I should clear a few things up, so as not to lead you astray:

1. I really am not a country music fanatic. Watching Shania Twain with the family, knowing what Randy Travis looks like, and being able to recognize Leanne Rimes' voice does NOT constitute me being a huge country music fan. I have an appreciation for it, as I do for (most) all music, but I can't say it's my favorite. Though...I do go to school in Tennessee...

2. I don't really eat grass, dirt, rocks...that big pile of dirt in front of the house isn't really for my lunch. And just because I chose carrots when you have milkshakes does not make me....uh...a rabbit...

3. My mom isn't really an albino midget (though she is kinda short). My dad isn't really Japanese-Indian (though he is an engineer). And while my grandma isn't really Jewish (though I wouldn't put it past her to claim that she has a bit in her), my boyfriend indeed is (oh wait...you already knew that...you jokesters, you).

4. No. Nothing I've said here is from any movie. But maybe someday if I write a bad one, it will be.


Yeeeaaahhhh. I'm random. I know.

But...ah. Thank the Lord for friends :)

Random ramblings on a rainy Saturday...

He was right. He told me his concerns about a month ago. I brushed it off. I thought it would be different than that. But as it turns out, my dad was very right. Hmm...go figure.

Sometimes, things don't turn out as I ever imagine them to be. But I suppose it's about time that my idealistic self met my realistic, logicial self.

Ah, thank the Lord for His grace and strength.

"The Lord will give strength to His people;
The Lord will bless His people with peace."

Psalm 29:11

In the eye of the beholder...

I only spent two and half hours in children's church tonight at New Testament Church. But my how those hours held such knowledge and revelation.

For example, I discovered that if young girls were the ones with the money, I could make it as an artist with my "really good," "really pretty" crayon drawings of flowers.

And then, to my utter contempt, I learned that I am "old." This means, however, that I have the experience and authority to give advice to 12 and 13-year-old girls on such relevent issues as "Why do people (aka. boys) throw balls at you?"

And since I am so old, I also have the power to shoo away adolescent boys and tell them to leave girls alone for the next ten years or so until they've matured. Well, I didn't really say such a thing, but it's a nice thought.

So. I should be an artist. And I'm old.

I know I'm on the journey of self-discovery, but this might be too much for one night.

I've got rhythm, I've got dancing...

Unlike pretty much everyone else around here (including my three-year-old summer housemate), I am not the most musical/musically-talented person. My glory days of choir, jazz ensemble and musicals in high school are long gone. My college days of music theory class, choir and musicals (once again) seem to have passed as well. Sure, I can hold a tune, but, despite their appearence, these long fingers don't know anything about playing the piano.

But my uncle has given me hope...hope that perhaps some sort of musical ability is in my blood...and perhaps one day I will rise once again as a musical great (or something of the sort). Or else it just goes to prove that some sort of rhythm runs in the family.

At least I can dance.

:)